there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
