you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
