Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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