I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
