you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
