Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
