she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
