I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
