Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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