Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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