I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
