I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
