Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
