We won't sleep together?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
