yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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