I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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