people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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