unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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