She's JV to your varsity
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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