i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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