Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
