i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
