Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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