Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
