i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
