I didn't shave. On purpose
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
