I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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