I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
