Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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