did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
