Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
