guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
