go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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