I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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