So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize