I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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