Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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