How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
