put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
