my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
