i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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