Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
