Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
