is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize