he wants to bone in the snuggie
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize