She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
