If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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