All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
