Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
