Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
