I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
