i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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