I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize