do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
