He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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