can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
