I'm eating all of the evidence.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
