I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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