so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
