Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize