it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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