Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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