Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
