idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
