The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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