I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My vagina is very pro this idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
