Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
