she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
