I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
