Umm I'm too high to move.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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