I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
