he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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