I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
