Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
