I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
