Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
