You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
