the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
