Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
