Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
