Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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